Kicked Out of Gear

I have been more lazy in the last month than I have probably in my entire life people! So much for Jillian Michaels, eating better, and staying active. This girl has spent her days on the couch (or in bed), watching TV, chowing down on every type of food around me. And going to class twice a week. This is not good.

I think I need an intervention.

I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, of which I prefer not to mention, and honestly it’s been exhausting. At first I thought I was skipping my medicine and that was the cause of my fatigue- but nope, I checked. I can’t blame it on that. Darn!

It could also be that my days and nights (my entire schedule) are all types of jacked up. Being able to talk and spend time with Casey is a challenge because of his work schedule. I spend my week days up late and wake up early. Texting way past my bed time only to wake up early because well, I don’t know why I wake up so early. Then the weekends come. I wake up Saturday morning, early, knowing darn well that I will be awake until Sunday morning around 6 am when I finally decide I have to stop what I’m doing and go to bed. I wish I could nap Saturday afternoons until I go see Casey that night so I won’t be as tired but it always fails. Then I usually sleep a little Sunday afternoon and go back to Casey’s until Monday morning around 5 or 6 am. It’s killing me! He is wide awake at night since he works nights and if I want to see him, I have to be wide awake too! haha I will get to used to it eventually right?? Boy I hope so!

I ordered my graduation invitations today. Yay!! Graduating is very stressful for me. Since I will be graduating without certification (because of my complications with internship and test scores), I’m wondering what will happen and where I will end up. Being out of the classroom for a semester has made me nervous as if I haven’t ever been in the classroom before. So weird. I’m scared I won’t know what to do when I have my own classroom and my own students. This is very nerve racking and may be a cause of my stress lately.

I’m definitely ready to have a real job, making real money so that I can get my own place and start fresh. I’ve never had my own place that I could call my own, decorate how I want it (yes, super girly with a grown up flare), no one to clean up after, and have people come visit just me! 🙂

It’s so hard living on my own and then moving home- It’s still hard. I want my own place, I want my own things out of my boxes, and be able to have company come over without my parents around (sorry mom! haha) I’m jealous that Andrew kept the apartment and the furniture because he is the one who wanted out, he should have been the one to leave. But let’s be real here- I wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyways, and I never liked the kitchen in that place anyways! 😉 Who would like to pay for an apartment for me? anyone? hehe

I’ve been feeling pretty down lately, despite what others may think, because let’s face it- I’m pretty good at faking it. I have my good days, and my semi-bad days and the other day I had a really really bad day. I dropped, broke, and spilt more things in one day than ever! I haven’t been feeling great about my body. Even though Casey tells me every day how beautiful I am and that he wouldn’t change a thing- I don’t feel beautiful and I would change everything. I’ve got to kick things back into gear and get serious about changing my body so I can change my mood.

So because I’ve done nothing but complain in this post, I figure it would only be appropriate to list a few things I am thankful for.

I’m thankful for my mom– my shoulder through anything and everything, the one I can count on no matter what I do or what happens.

I’m thankful for my dad, my step dad, my brother, my sister, my sister in law, and my nephew.  All amazing people and “little” people (Denali and Zach)!

I’m thankful for my family– my huge, amazing family. They are definitely something to be proud of.

I’m thankful for my friends– you guys rock and I love each and every one of you.

I’m thankful for having a place to call home– while I don’t enjoy having to admit I live at home with my parents, I love my home and am thankful I had one to come home to.

I’m thankful for Casey- he is a true sweet hearted guy. I am reminded every single day of how special I am to him and how he feels about me. He makes it a point to spend time with me and I always enjoy his company. He has shown me that nice guys do exist. Even though we have so many differences as people, I’m learning to open my eyes, broaden my horizons and enjoy the ride. I can be goofy, serious, witty, lazy, quiet, and vulnerable around him. I can be myself.

I’m thankful for the experience of experiencing new things with new people.

I’m thankful for everything.

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