I was told today that had I been more motivated and determined in my life, he would have been pulled closer to me and things probably would have worked out. How did this come about? Because I purchased a work out video from Amazon today using his account so I could get free 2 day shipping. He saw what I bought, and says:
“It really bothers me that it took us breaking up for you to start caring and respecting your body. Seeing some motivation and determination from you would have gone a long way to pulling me closer to you but I’m glad your doing it and I hope you continue not for your dude but for you”
I never knew the guy I fell in love with was so shallow. Wait a minute… yes I did. I was just in denial.
My favorite bible verse of all time is:
Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
Love never fails.
I try my hardest to live by this anytime I feel love towards someone. My hardest part is keeping no record of wrongs- I’m guilty of that and it’s something I’m really going to strive to fix.
Love is not rude- it’s kind… Yet, being treated like your never good enough and your best isn’t what really is “best” in someone else’s eyes is hard to overcome.. It’s rude to make someone feel that way.— did he really love me?
My response to his shallow response:
“I shouldnt have to work out for you to be close to me. Im finally doing it for myself and not a guy. I always felt like I had to do it, for you to be happy. You made me have no motivation… it wasnt something I could enjoy doing for myself it was something I had to do for you to love me.”
It went on from there and I don’t even think he realizes how shallow he sounded. Or how controlling he sounded.
I have motivation- just not that type he wanted. In his eyes- I was only motivated in school and starting a family. But he wanted me to WANT to be the best person I could be. Umm.. news flash- I am being the best person I can be and I’m perfectly happy with myself.
He makes this so easy.
I wasn’t the person HE wanted me to be and like I told him “Good luck finding someone that will fit your needs”. That girl will have huge shoes to fill and I’m glad it’s not me anymore.
People come and go in your life for a reason. To show you what you deserve and what you don’t deserve. I spent 5 years with someone I don’t deserve- well flip that- he doesn’t deserve me. He is a prime example of what to watch out for.
I will never again live for someone else, do things for someone else, be someone I’m not, for someone else. This is my life and I only have one chance at it. If someone wants me in their life, they will accept me for who I am.. 100%. And if they don’t, they are history.. I don’t need them anyway.
So, this guy Casey- let me just say.. amazing. I didn’t think I would fall, but I am. I think I may have found someone I deserve. Let’s wait a see! 🙂