The loss and the gain of hope

I’ve had almost two weeks to reflect on things in my life as I sit at my parents with nothing to do until school starts. I always thought I knew what I wanted in life and who I wanted to share it with. These past two weeks have been a rough start to the new year but hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? whatever! Who came up with that anyways? I digress.. I know I will be stronger for this, and after what I witnessed the other day I have no choice but to be strong. I wake up every morning thinking about how my life has been flipped upside down and my future will now be completely different than I expected. And I’m to the point that I’m OK with that. I don’t want the person he became, just when you think you know someone, they prove otherwise. I will always love him as he was a big part of my life and we shared many years and memories together but that memory making has stopped and now it’s time for me to make my own memories with my family and my old and new friends. I hate being the person he has caused me to be. I’m a bubbly, lovable, and fun person.. but not lately and that needs to change. Does that mean I’m completely over what happened? No, but it does mean I’m going to try and move on from that part of my life because that part is over. That door was slammed shut and I refuse to let it re-open.

Some people say, “you guys were together for a long time, it will work out.. have hope”.

The truth is- this is the first time I have no hope to get back with him, I don’t want to be with someone who never knows what they want and when I ask them if they will still love me 10 years down the road, I don’t want someone who says “I don’t know Lauren, I can’t answer that.. know one knows whats going to happen” There is a guy out there that will know, I just have to find him because it’s what I deserve.

I hope through this journey, I can write about my experience without being judged by others because face it, he did what he did – wrong or right. Now I’m going to do what I want to do, wrong or right.

Let’s let the good times roll! 🙂

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3 thoughts on “The loss and the gain of hope

  1. lauren you are soo right. No one should be judging you, and you are allowed to vent now and however many times you need to. Sweetie, as you are finding out, No answer is an answer… Anyone that tells you they dont know, is lying they know they are just to chicken to say it outloud. They always want to keep their current involved and on a string in case their new adventure does not work out. Girl you are way smarter than me, I took my jerk back three times just to be dumped after 7 years. In my gut knowing all along i didnt respect him enough to love him anymore, I just didnt want to admit it either. So good for you and you go girl. Get what you want and deserve, when you figure that out and Know that me and many others are here to catch you if you should ever fall….. (I know its a great song)…

  2. Just want you to know that I’m proud of you. There is a feeling of SECURITY in a true loving relationship. You are immensely lovable and deserve nothing less than everything that love can and should be. Keep on moving forward and remember that your next door neighbors love you and support you. (Even the little ones!) Come by and pick up Mattie for a girl date. If that doesn’t bring you joy, nothing will!

    ~Cat

  3. I’m so proud of the way you are handling this. You are a beautiful and strong person. Keep thinking in your positive direction. You will find the right person. They will not only be someone you deserve, but they will jump right in and love you upfront. Head up beautiful lady!

    Teri

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